I’ve coached hundreds of men in the Art Of Seduction and I’ve seen just about everything there is to be seen. Students have told me all about their sticking points to no end. Here’s just a short list of the most common ones I hear.
Body language, eye contact, generating attraction, openeing, isolation, kino, connecting emotionally, text game, etc…. There’s probably about another 50 or more that I can list but the reality is…. That’s not their sticking points!
Their sticking point is their own minds. Their own irrational way of thinking that is getting in the way of their success.
Last week I was with a student who was relatively new to Game or at least he said he was. He claimed to have never studied dating advice which I actually believed, that is until we got out into the field and the day progressed.
As we were running around NYC and approaching women I started to hear him say things like; What if she thinks this, and what if she thinks that, what if, what if, what if…. To make matters worse, he constantly wanted answers to just about every “What If” scenario he could think of. He had a What if and a objection to everything! He was completely lost in his own head with What If’s.
He would eject out of sets because of the slightest deviation in her body language or that she looked away and would then tell me things like she was showing him disinterest, he was losing value or had a bitch shield… (Ummmmmmm… He never heard of the community before?)
Why???? Because he was overwhelmed with community advice before he had actually done any approaching for himself. He refused to find out for himself and he wanted answers to things that would never happen or may never happen. His head was deluded with irrational thoughts and those thoughts were actually stopping him from learning or progressing.
No matter how hard I tried to re-frame his way of thinking he kept refusing to believe that what I was saying was in reality the truth. He trusted his thoughts more than mine and I was the expert?!?!?!
Who would you trust more? A man who coached thousands of men and who has personally spent the better part of 7 years dating and approaching women or your own newbie mind? It was very challenging for me to wrap my head around this dilemma I found myself in with him.
At one point in the coaching session I sat him down to explain what was going on. I started to explain that he was constantly looking for the perfect answers to questions that weren’t real and that his own thoughts were the reason why he wasn’t succeeding. I was telling him that all of these “what if” scenarios would only hold him back and that his mind is just doing what it does best… It’s searching for answers it doesn’t have and refusing to hear the truth. He was completely unwilling to challenge his own thoughts.
Our minds work like this…
They are constantly trying to fill in the blanks that it doesn’t have and figure everything out for our own safety and protection. Our minds HATE blank spaces where the answers are unclear and the more we try to fill in these blanks the more blanks we create. With every “what if” thought you think, you will inadvertently create 10 more. The cycle is endless. Our minds hate anything that is unclear. We need answers at any and all cost.
The worst part is that because these thoughts we come up with are our own thoughts, we tend to believe them despite the fact that they are just thoughts. Thoughts in reality aren’t real. They are just movies we play in our minds and because we are the audience to our own thoughts we believe them without trying to prove them wrong.
When it comes to Dating and getting good with women we tend to have our minds go into thought overload. We start over thinking everything. We want all of the answers immediately and if we get an answer that we don’t like we’ll search for answer that we do like to back our story up. It’s hard to look at the truth especially if we don’t like it.
Thinking is bad when it comes to learning something new. Only application will work not anticipation.
I typically come from a place where no matter what irrational thoughts I may be having (And I have a lot), I recognize this pattern and then look for PROOF to corroborate my story. If no proof can be found that I release that thought from my consciousness until a later time when it was proven wither wrong or correct. Sometimes I get my answer and sometimes I don’t. Either way, it’s cool with me.
Here’s a perfect example in regards to picking up a woman.
Let’s say you’re out doing some Daygame and you see a woman walking really fast and she has headphones on but…. She’s super hot and you really wanna talk with her.
Let’s say you see a woman all dolled up around 7pm on a Friday night standing alone in fornt of a movie theater looking around and constantly checking her phone…
Most men will think girl number 1 was running late for something and in a rush. Why else would she be walking so fast or because she was wearing headphones that she didn’t want to be bothered.
When it comes to girl number 2, most men will immediately tell themselves that she must be waiting for her a boyfriend or a guy.
Are either of those stories true?
Maybe… but more than likely NOT! Maybe girl number 1 just walks fast and always listens to music or she’s trying to learn a new language… Who knows?! And maybe girl number 2 is actually going to the movies alone or is waiting for a girlfriend. Who knows?!?! And who cares? The only way to find out if your assumptions are true is to actually take action and approach.
You’d be surprised at just how often your thoughts and assumptions are actually wrong!
But I’ve seen these this more times than I can count because guys will tell themselves a story without actually knowing the facts they’ll convince themselves not to approach them. Their thoughts even though they have no idea if they’re true or not will stop them dead in the tracks and prevent them from taking MEANINGFUL action.
This doesn’t just happen in Pick-Up. This happens in all areas of our lives. We tell ourselves stories and tend to believe them and once we believe them they are almost impossible to change. And the irony of believing a story that is not true is that we’ll gather evidence to prove this story true. We gather evidence even though it may be faulty to corroborate our stories and the cycle goes on and on.
And this is the conundrum of What If’s!
Challenge your stories and your thoughts. You actually may surprise yourself from time to time!