What’s your perspective? Sometimes it’s hard being a PUA…

Today I had a semi-realization about the mind(s) of being a PUA and why we react the way do with women at times. I’ve actually thought about this before, many times to be exact and finally I’ve come to the conclusion that even the best of us need some help in a tricky situation when it comes to dating women.

Let me give you a little history so this makes some sense. I met a stunning woman about 2 weeks ago. When I say stunning I mean stunning. She’s pretty much my perfect 10 in more ways than just her looks. Our first date was AWESOME! She made laugh so hard I nearly pissed my pants. I don’t think I’ve been out with a chick who was this hot and had a sense of humor that Rodney Dangerfield would be envious of. She was sharp witted, quick and threw my shit right back in my face! I was in love(not literally). We had an amazing night of wine, a Netflix movie and ice-cream topped off with mind-blowing sex! I was in lala land for sure with this one but I’ve learned my lesson before with women who have managed to mesmerized me. Don’t wuss out and play the game differently just because you like them and they’re hot! You still have to run your normal style of flirting, teasing and playing hard to get. These types of chicks are used to being able to win any guy they want over instantly and sometimes they’ll actually use sex to win the age old struggle for dominance. I needed to hold my ground, after all, this is the reason why she fell for me in the first place. If I changed it up now it would come across as incongruent, maybe needy and the battle would be lost.

The very next night she texted me saying that she was in my neighborhood and that I should come meet her. I texted her, who is this? She wrote fuck you. I said, there’s no “fuck you” in my contacts- I’m confused! She said, come meet me. I then told her that I wish I could but I was out with a friend. She said 8( Ok… Have a good night.

The next day she was texting me saying how much fun she had and that she missed me already. She was really putting herself out there. I decided to see her again even though it was only 2 days later. More amazing sex and a deeper connection.

She kept texting me sweet little messages which I barely ackowledged. I flirted back with her but in no way did I reveal how I felt towards her. She was chasing me hardcore. I then had to leave town for a week and that really bummed her out. We kept texting and even had a 2hr phone call. I spoke with her on the phone because I needed to give her something and I DID NOT want to lose this chick. So, I was giving her just enough to feel as though she was possibly winning me over(which she was).

As the days went by, I could sense a defeated-ness coming over her. She stopped chasing me so hard and stopped with the sweet “I like you” comments. I knew what I had done. I had not given her enough of my attention. I played a little too hard to get and when women feel out gamed they walk! You need to be attainable in their eyes or they’re done!

Don’t get me wrong. We were still texting a lot but the tone of her texts slightly changed. I could feel what was happening with every text.

I was now in damage control mode and I knew that if I started giving her too much, she’d walk or I might come across as needy. I was walking on a fine line.

So, the day I got back into town she texted me and said that she was glad I was back. A good sign, right????? But women are sneaky and some of them have awesome game. I took her bait and asked her to hang out the next night which she said she couldn’t. I fell into her attention grabbing trap. No big deal if it wasn’t for the fact that she didn’t offer up an alternative night to hang. She was now playing hard to get and I was a little unsure of how to play this one out to win back the girl.

Which now brings me to the whole point of this post…

If this had been one of my students I would have known exactly what to do, no questions asked!!! I would have been able to game her right back into his life but since I was the one living the experience I found it very challenging to separate myself from the situation and truly look at it objectively. So I called my boy JakeP for some advice. I had a million ideas but didn’t want to make the wrong move. So, before I did anything I got some advice. We figured out a game plan and she’s pretty much back in action.

Sometimes it’s really hard to separate yourself from your own personal life and really come from a place where your emotions and fears will get in the way. I had to be patient, clear my mind and seek the correct advice.

It’s so funny that I can literally help anyone game ANY girl on the planet perfectly but sometimes when it comes to giving myself the advice I would give students, I just can’t. It’s all about perspective.

If we could always separate our emotional selves from the reality of the situation we’d all be better PUA’s and have more successful relationships with women than we can handle. In many cases, our own worst enemy is ourselves, our emotional minds.

My advice to you would be… When you’re gaming a girl into your life, try as best as you can to separate yourselves as best as you can from your emotional neediness, fears and validation issues. Take a step back. Look at it objectively, be rational about your decisions and don’t act if your not certain of what to do. Wait if you have to. Better to wait and make the best move than acting early and making the wrong moves. You can always recover from not responding to chick but once you say or do something that isn’t right, it makes it that much more difficult to get back on track. I know this will be hard but it has been my saving grace. 99 out of a 100 times I am able to do this but when I can’t or I find myself having difficulties I am not to proud to ask for advice or just wait until the right move comes to me. It’s always good to get a second perspective.

Not everyone will be able to get an expert opinion… For that I am sorry! But the more you distance yourself from the situation the better you will respond.

20 thoughts on “What’s your perspective? Sometimes it’s hard being a PUA…

  1. hey man ,
    awesome post! when you’re experiencing the situation first hand the emotions really get to ya, gotta look past em.
    Just wondering, what did you do to finally win the girl over after she started to play hard to get?

  2. Seems like she got a bit clingy.

    As far as advice for advanced guys; I subscribe to that. It’s not even advice or help. But learning new aspects to incorporate into my game is still possible. I’m under the impression that most instructors don’t wanna be helped, in the sense that they don’t feel as though they can still learn.

    • Mr. Kenny…

      How are you man???

      And she really wasn’t clingy. I just WOW’D the shit out of her and made her fall for me hard. She did the only thing that she knew how to do and that’s express these higher emotions she was feeling. She wanted to win me over by showing her affection towards me.

      I literally just got off the phone with her and it’s so on! This chick is amazing and I’m glad her and I figured it all out.

      And you’re so right about learning new aspects of the Game. I always learn from others. Believe it or not, I learn the most from the guys I coach in the field. The things they say or do sometimes is wonderfully brilliant. I also learn by watching how the women react to them. Constantly watching women’s reactions to men really gives you insight into their heads even further. I love it!!!


  3. This is a mind-blowingly awesome post. This is something Brad and I often experience- we use each other as a feedback sounding board, and its so obvious when we hear the other’s impartial and non-emotive perspective.

    You can always recover from not responding to chick but once you say or do something that isn’t right, it makes it that much more difficult to get back on track.

    Brilliant maxim.

    • 3rd MM,

      Glad you loved the post…

      And we’re lucky to have some awesome people in our lives to bounce ideas off of and get the feedback that we weren’t able to give ourselves.


  4. I’ve had that happen to me before. It was terrible 😦

    That’s how I lost my last gf. I had feelings of jealousy and wild unrealistic, insecure, and needy thoughts running through my head. And I acted irrationally by showing her that I don’t trust her anymore.

    • Matt V…

      Hey.. I think we all can relate to losing a woman from our shameful acts of irrationality! Before becoming involved with the PUA community I was the same way…

      Acting that way is a learned response. You weren’t born jealous or needy for attention from women. We learned it. You can also unlearn it, or should I say learn to act differently!

      It’s a process! Try to enjoy it despite the bad that may or may not come along with it.


    • Cameron….

      Good question! I’m sure many men would love to my answer to this… I could write a book on this but I’m gonna keep it brief.

      I’ve been in the community for 6 years now and I have met some of the most amazing women EVER! When the chemistry is right, I will always reveal myself and connect with a woman on a very deep emotional level. I actually need a connection for anything more than just a quick fling. If I don’t have that special feeling, chemistry and a great connection with the woman I will NOT keep her around. In the beginning it wasn’t like this for me. I was just too happy getting laid all the time but then I realized that despite all the sex I was having and no matter how hot they were I still felt empty with these women. I realized that I need a solid connection to be with anyone for more than just a few weeks.

      As far as gaming women when I married…. I’m not sure if I believe in marriage in the way most men do. Nor do I think I will ever get married. Been there and done that. I want fulfilling and successful relationships. if it turns into a monogamous relationship, then so be it. If not, than I’m fine with that as well.

      I think you may be looking at “gaming” from the wrong angle. Gaming should not imply ‘games” of any sort. Gaming is just the applied science of dating psychology (or for that matter, the applied science of “ANY” psychology). Whether you’re a PUA in a relationship or just the regular guy who has never studied this stuff, you will always be trying to figure out the woman you have hopefully chosen to be with, how to make her happy, how to not let her feel complacent, how to add excitement in the relationship and how to separate yourself from the masses of other men to keep her from leaving you to better herself or for another man.

      People only tend to look at ‘gaming’ when it comes to women in a bad light if you purposefully study it. But we are ALL, and always have been gaming since we first realized that we like chicks in pre-school…. Think about it. Everything you have ever done or will do to win the woman’s approval has been pre-thought of before you did it. If you think of it first before doing it and try to anticipate the outcome, it’s game!!!

      The answer to your question is a 100% YES!!!! I will always be gaming even if I do get married. Gaming will only better your relationships, make them stronger, make HER happier, allow her to thrive in connected sexual environment that you have set forth! Women NEED this from their men or it’s BYE BYE for you… The “nice guy” always gets dumped, taken advantage or cheated on… Why??? Because he has no game nor did he have inkling of how to give her what she REALLY wanted!

      We “game” everything in life. Not just women. We are always trying to learn, not make the mistakes, etc… And this is who we are is humans. If we didn’t game our way through life, we’d be dead or miserable!

      Does this answer your question??? I hope it did.. I loved responding to your question. Thank you!


    • Iceman….

      The point of the post wasn’t to reveal what I had done. What I decided to do will be of little use to the reader as it was a truly unique situation and not applicable to most situations. I’m not trying to be a jerk or aloof but I’d like to keep the theme of the post consistent with the comments. I’m sure you can understand.

  5. To get tactically here it seemed like in your push/pull you pushed too hard and she saw that you were no longer attainable. push/pull is one of those things that is so powerful as you can constantly validate and devalidate her to get her chasing you but one mistake can really blow up in your face. It happens to all of us man. Glad it worked out tho!

    • Phazer…
      I did push… But I was also already way higher value in her eyes. I was already somewhat of a gamble for her but yes it did work out in the end. I learned a valuable lesson here…

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