I’m not sure if you’ve ever asked this question to a woman or if you intend to anytime in the near future but I seem to have a problem with the way in which a man will more than likely beg for the woman’s hand in marriage.
The typical proposal goes something like this. The man decides that he wants to marry his true love, then he spends on average 1/4 of his annual salary on an engagement ring, then he carefully plans the perfect place and time to ask her to ensure success, THEN HE GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND ASKS AND WAITS FOR HER ANSWER!!! For some reason this doesn’t seem right to me, does it seem right to you?
Why is this so? Why is this what is expected of men? In reality, what does this say about a man? Does it say that he’s romantic? Does it say that he’s a gentleman? Or does it say that he’s Beta and begging for her “yes answer” to a life long committed relationship without the possibility of ever sleeping with an object his desire other than his future wife?
I would say that it does say that he’s romantic and a gentleman but the getting down on one knee and spending more money than he actually has for a ring that will more than likely put him into some sort of financial debt is one of the worst things a man can do.
Let’s talk about the expected proposal from a man on one knee looking up at his woman with a diamond that he hates because it cost him way too much money, shall we? And any man that says he loved spending that money on a diamond ring IS FULL OF SHIT!!!!!
Let’s look at it from a completely third party vantage point…. This ritual dates back to mid-evil times but not in regards to marriage proposal. It was performed when a knight was willing to swear his allegiance to his king and or queen or beg for their forgiveness. The knight would kneel on one knee and wait for the acceptance of his lords-man. He would bow in complete submission before his hierarchal figures. To him, it was an honor. Take a look at the act of praying to your God. How do we pray? We get down on our knees, look up and ask for forgiveness or swear our loyalty. No matter what the situation is, when you are down on one knee or both knees, you are always acknowledging a higher hierarchal power than your own…
When a modern day man gets down on one knee to propose much of the same thing is happening! He is essentially placing her on pedestal and giving her the power. He is saying that he is not sure if he is worthy of her love and acceptance and uses a fancy ring to persuade her to take him into her life. The ring to me is in some ways a bribe!!! Sorry, but it’s the truth! If it wasn’t and you don’t believe me, try proposing to woman with no ring or a cheap ring. If she truly loves you then she should have no problem with the fact that you don’t have a ring or the ring you have chosen to bribe her with isn’t worth a dime and say YES to your proposal and jump right into your arms but this is NOT the case!
Women will want to show off that ring to her friends and family. A sparkling diamond that symbolizes love??? And she will more than likely go behind your back and get it appraised to see just how much your “bribing love diamond” is worth. And if she doesn’t have a ring from you or the ring is cheap, she will be embarrassed to show anyone and give you hell about it. She will forever feel disrespected over the fact that your ring or lack of ring was not up to her, her family and friends expectations.
The modern day ritual of an expensive diamond engagement ring was actually a marketing campaign designed by the worlds largest diamond dealer. They call themselves DeBeers!!!! During the Great Depression DeBeers was going through a tough time financially. No one wanted diamonds and no one had money for diamonds, so DeBeers created the DIAMOND engagement ring to increase sales. It saved them from bankruptcy!
The Jews of ancient times had a similar ritual with an engagement ring but its meaning was completely different and it definitely did not involve a diamond! A corporation has convinced women all over the world that a man truly doesn’t love you unless he spends a lot of money on that ring! What a load of crap that is…
OK… Back to getting on one knee. I personally think that if a man is going to MAKE(and that is the key words here… “The man is going to make”) a woman his wife than the whole ritual we have become so accustomed to should be reversed! Why does the man have to get down on one knee and seek her acceptance in a way that just by pure visual observation makes him look lower value than her. Think about it… If you ever saw a man on one knee looking up to a woman in a bar, in a grocery store, wherever… What would be your first thought? I wouldn’t be thinking that he’s asking her to marry him but I would think that he’s begging her for something… or that he was apologizing to her for his bad behavior.
Why is it an honor for him to marry her and not an honor for her to marry him?????
Our brains understand things the best when symbolism is applied. Symbols have the power to evoke strong emotions and thoughts in people without the use of words. Why do you think that every religion in the world uses rituals? It’s all about symbolism. When a man gets down on one knee, the symbolic meaning on an unconscious level is that of begging! It’s a symbol of lower value. There’s no way around it. I can back this up with a massive amount of scientific research!
By getting down on one knee a man has completely given away away all of his power! Look at everyone you know who is married… Who has the power? Who wears the pants in that relationship? Women do, that’s who!!!
Why would the man, who is supposedly the person who will be the main financial provider, the protector and leader of the household get down on one knee and put his lover on such a pedestal?
Why is it the mans job to ask the woman for her hand in marriage? Where did this expectation come from? None of it from a logical standpoint makes much sense to me…
It may sound like I’m a bit chauvinistic… But I am not! I tend to question the social norms and the psychological impact it has on all of us. I do believe that if a man wants to marry a woman, he should and if he chooses to ask her in a special way, by all means go for it. What I don’t believe in is what I have said above… And I also think that if a woman wants a man’s hand in marriage than she should ASK HIM!!! Let her get down on one knee and ask!
Women, their whole lives have become very used to men chasing them. As men, we have to ask them out, make the first move, ask them to marry us. Women get the expensive ring, expensive wedding dress, the whole wedding and honeymoon is all about them, etc…. Where does the man fit into all of this? What does he get out of all of it??? If that wasn’t enough, she usually decides where they will live and gets the final decision on the house that they will share eternal love in?!?!?! I just don’t agree with that sort of dynamic.
Most men lose the respect of women over the course of a relationship. Almost 80% of women file for divorce first! Why??? If you set up the right dynamics of a relationship from the beginning than you’ll have a better chance of maintaining a happy fulfilling relationship. ALWAYS BE THE MAN and the woman will always LOVE being the woman and stand by her man.